On-Call Weekend Survival Kit

It's Saturday morning. Your phone has already notified you twice. The second alert was a false positive. The first one was not. You are technically off. You are practically not. This kit was assembled with this exact scenario in mind.

Contents: one Certified Unstable Water Bottle (32oz), one Commit & Regret Mug (11oz), one Postmortem Pending Notebook (dot grid), one Works On My Cart Sticker Pack, and a card: 'Pagerduty is not your emergency contact. We are sorry for your situation.' Rigid matte black gift box, magnetic closure, ON CALL in silver foil.